hopelessly hopeful
LILITH MARIE EVANS
Lily Evans
head girl

❝she was a beautiful dreamer. the kind of girl who kept her head in the clouds, loved above the
S T A R S and left regret beneath the EARTH she walked on.❞

jpcttr:

        admitting to such a thing should’ve left him terrified — it was all he worried about since the beginning, that he would hand himself over and she would toss him aside like she had done so many times before. he wasn’t though … terrified. not at that moment, not with her lips against his, and certainly not as he lifted her up and placed her on the desk behind them. 

      they were an unhealthy mixture of lust, chaos, and brilliance. it seemed dangerous, almost lethal — but it didn’t bother him anymore. he would much rather lose with her than win with anyone else. 

       his hands fell down, gathering the base of her dress without fully separating himself. finding the bottom, he let his arms travel upward, nails dragging softly against her porcelain flesh as they searched desperately for the underwear they wished to rip free. he would claim his fingers had a mind of their own, but who would believe him? tugging them down and down and DOWN, james finally came up for air before removing them completely. it was then that he stood up and looked at her … really looked at her. he couldn’t quite describe her or the feelings she brought forth. all he could say was that lily evans was easily the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid his eyes on. he used the word ‘THING’ not because she was a possession for him to own, but because it included all the things he might’ve forgotten. it was enough to leave him speechless. & frozen.

this time like so many others, lily found herself falling into the comfort of his arms, her body relaxing against his soft touch, her resolve melting away as his lips wiped any sense of insecurity away. he was home to her. there was no use in even trying to describe how complete she felt when he held her, how his gentle caress was enough to set her soul at ease. she was dark and twisty but when his strong arms cradled her closer it was like the sun poked through the dimmest corners of her being. what they had went beyond lust, it was so much more than something she wanted. it was something she now NEEDED

his fingers left behind trails of electricity, jolting her nerves and coaxing soft whimpers past her parted lips. all she could think about were his words, how he’d admitted he was hers and how desperately she wanted to prove the statement was also true on her behalf. words seemed to fall flat so she settled for showing him. her eyes fluttered open as he pulled away, the harsh cold that his absence left was clearly unwelcome. time halted around them and there was nothing left to do but look at him. drink in every inch of his handsome face, appreciate his beautiful caring eyes and his unruly hair. the essence of JAMES POTTER

the boy she’d never expected to love but couldn’t imagine living without. a soft smile crept onto the girls lips, acceptance washing over her. though there was no telling what was to come, she didn’t care. she LOVED him. more than she dared ever to love someone else. she wanted to say it, she wanted him to know it. slowly the girl reached down to remove her heels, her eyes still locked on his despite the loud clang that filled the room when each shoe dropped onto the cold cobble floor. ❝you’ve got me, JAMES POTTER. I’M the one that’s YOURS.❞ her voice was barely above a whisper as she pushed herself off the desk momentarily, reaching for the zipper on her dress and letting the silky fabric cascade off her pale frame. she was positive marlene would have a fit but it was the last of her worries. she wanted james to take what was rightfully his. 


jpcttr:

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        james remained quiet, his jaw clenched tightly as he listened to every single word that left her mouth. he listened so intensely that he might as well have just placed his ear right up against her rose-colored lips. he held on fiercely to every syllable as if searching for clarity — as if looking for a clue as to whether she was REALLY speaking those words. “ … i AM yours. ” he admitted breathlessly, crushing his lips desperately against hers as he wrapped his arm around her waist and yanked her closer. he had no more patience for words, no more patience for breathing. all he wanted was to know the taste of her tongue and the heat of her body, to remind her of one of the many things he could give her.

often people spoke of fireworks when describing their perfect kiss. others turned to the fateful chime of wedding bells to describe the joyous feeling of finally kissing the person they yearned for. in lily’s case, she didn’t feel fireworks or hear bells. the only way to best describe it was HEAT. like a crackling fire starting at the tips of her toes and slowly engulfing her in the warm flames. like molten lava bursting and spreading through her frame. like the sun hitting her soft complexion on a warm summer’s day. because that’s what james potter was to her, he was her sun. he was warmth. he could burn her but he always provided a light. he was good and kind and infuriating and confusing. but he was HERS. a soft sigh of relief fell past her lips as she melted into his arms and happily parted her lips, allowing her tongue to run along his lesser lip, her arms immediately wrapping around his neck as she pulled him in closer, reluctant to let him go. he was HERS. and she was HIS. 

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jpcttr:

               james was taken aback, her words catching him off-guard as he remained silent. his expression appearing unreadable despite the bitterness building deep within his stomach. he had asked her. he just wasn’t fast enough. and maybe he shouldn’t have been, but he found himself angry at her for having said yes to that guy in the first place. “ … i am TRYING. ” he shouted, his emotions getting the better of him, a complete clash against the calmed demeanor he had when first walking in.

               “ okay? i am trying MY HARDEST not to look at you because every time i do, it makes things worse. you think i wanna be here? surrounded by friends and all i can think about is you? … how i can’t have you? how when i said i wanted to be non-exclusive you didn’t even TRY to fight me on it? ” he was already halfway across the classroom before he realized he was even walking, his hidden thoughts spilling from his lips a mile a minute. “ you think it doesn’t bother me watching that guy touch you knowing full well i practically gave him permission to? you think it doesn’t drive me nuts? you think it doesn’t make me sick? the last thing i want to do … is look. at. you. ”

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                                 ❝i’m SCARED i’m going to LOSE you. and i’m trying, i’m really TRYING to be happy. i’m trying to be happy with the idea of having to share you when every inch of me is screaming that you’re M I N E and i don’t want to share you.❞ hot tears threatened to shed as she watched him, her mind racing with his words. he was confusing her with what he said and the actions that had led up to this point. he wanted them to be non exclusive, he said it was best. and now everything was turning into a right mess. 

                            ❝so STOP looking at me. because i love you and i can’t breathe I CAN’T BREATHE when you look at me because it hurts, because you’re not mine and i keep trying to let loose and do whatever the hell it takes to keep you but i can’t breathe.❞ her screams died out towards the end of her sentence, the weight of the last couple of days she’d spent ignoring him finally taking a toll on her. she was exhausted of fighting her need to be close to him, of pushing aside her obvious feelings for him. she didn’t move away or push him away, simply because she COULDN’T. all she could manage to do was look up at him, their faces merely inches away. the most ironic fact to note was how she was previously going on about how she couldn’t breathe and yet with him finally standing close to her, it was like she could finally take a breath of fresh air and that realization nearly broke her. 

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jpcttr:

                   her demand that he leave her alone left him only slightly phased, his concern far outweighing his disappointment. he opened the door and entered the classroom, his steps coming to a halt when he spotted her near the desk. all he wanted was to make sure she was alright; to be a good friend and a head boy she could count on — once he could do this, he would give her what she wanted. he would leave her alone, or so he told himself. he didn’t take into account how his heartbeat quickened or how his breathing became uneven. he ignored the longing and tricked himself into believing that he was simply there because he was worried. he was still mad AT her. 

                   he was also mad FOR HER

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              “ lily, ” he repeated. “ i just wanted to make sure everything was okay … i mean, you ran out of there really fast and i thought maybe … i just wanted to make sure YOU were okay. ”

she could almost laugh, her head shaking as she finally allowed herself to open her eyes and LOOK AT HIM. there he stood, his eyes boring into hers as she shook her head, rage bubbling in the pit of her stomach but not overpowering the sadness and impotence that reigned over her emotions. ❝no, i’m not OKAY alright? i’m not. and you want to know why? because you hurt my feelings, because you should have asked me to this bloody dance in the first place and now you’re looking at me, you’re looking at me. STOP looking at me.❞ the words fell past her lips before she could even gather her thoughts or form a coherent argument but it was far beyond her power to control herself any longer, she couldn’t manage that around him. he changed her, he disarmed her, he was her downfall but she was also her strength and without him she felt lost. 

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jpcttr:

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             the moment she left, he followed — apologizing to the girl and blaming a unity ball emergency that he’d only just remembered. she was kind and nodded, a small look of disappointment crossing her features as he rushed off in the direction that lily had headed not a few seconds earlier. she looked sick. he wanted to make sure she was okay. 

             she seemed to have an easier time leaving the great hall than he did. every which way james turned there were people passing him or walking ahead of him. people would shout compliments his way about the event and he’d shoot them quick smiles and ‘thank yous’ before rushing off again toward the exit. he was lucky because, right after he walked into the hall, he saw her turn a corner. “ lily! ” he picked up his speed and ran in her direction. “ LILY!

as he shouted her name, her heart fell and she looked for the closest escape, a safe haven from his sweet melodious voice that wreaked of concern. it was sickening how badly her body ached for his comfort, how pained she felt as she resisted it, resisted her instinct to jump into his arms. she couldn’t bare it any longer. ❝just leave me ALONE!❞ the girl shouted back at him before slipping into an empty classroom that happened to be unlocked. thank merlin. once inside she strode to the front of the classroom, putting as much distance between her and the door as she possibly could. MORE DISTANCE BETWEEN HIM AND HER. her eyes fluttered shut, the pain dull yet still present. she could hardly catch her breath and it felt as if there was a constricting pressure against her heart that had only grown worse since the last time she’d spoken to james but seeing him only rubbed salt against a still gashing open wound. she barely even noticed when she was no longer alone. 

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jpcttr:

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      he had a date now: celia — but he kept up his duties as well, wandering around the ball in an attempt to make sure everyone was having fun. he’d been asked to dance once, twice … he lost count, finding himself on the dance floor with a sixth year eagle whose hands were sweaty from nerves. the song was slow and he couldn’t help it when his gaze fell upon lily evans. she was where the majority of this thoughts wandered that evening. he saw her, watched her, and wanted her — a painful trio that james refused to acknowledge as he continued to smile and flirt with countless girls in an attempt to be the ultimate host. 

      none of them were her. none of them left him speechless. none of them left him staring, no subtlety in the way he watched her dance with someone else. it should’ve been him

@xo-lilithmarie

                           an invisible force urged her to look up, urging her to remove her cheek from edgars shoulder and meet the eyes of the man whos arms SHOULD have been holding her close. her bright green eyes met his hazel orbs, a piercing pain shooting through her heart as a cold shudder rolled down her spine. she couldn’t look away, his eyes captivated her and it only grew more painful as the seconds dragged on into minutes and tears began to pool along her lower lash line. 

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                                taking a short breath the girl pulled away from edgar’s arms suddenly, an expertly crafted fake smile resting upon her lips as she met the handsome boys concerned expression. ❝i’m just feeling a little lightheaded, i think i need to go get a breath of fresh air. i’m alright promise, i’ll come find you as soon as i’m sorted.❞ she reassured, nodding as she stepped back, ignoring the gaping hole that was spreading further along her chest. the palm of her hand fell to her stomach as she finally turned and quickly walked out of the great hall, her breaths coming out in short pants.   


jpcttr:

        he squinted, her comment catching him off-guard as he fought a snarl. he remained calm — the epitome of a boy with no problems.  “ nah. i think i’ve grown out of my red head phase. ”

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❝cheers then mate, hope it goes better with BLONDES.❞ lily pushed herself off the table, walking past him quickly so he would not catch the tears quickly pooling in her eyes. 

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NETWORK

DROPDOWN TITLE

MUSE A — Bacon ipsum dolor amet pork in excepteur velit laboris mollit quis pariatur veniam dolor ut culpa tempor dolore. Fugiat laboris dolor sirloin ea, tail short loin andouille proident lorem pancetta pig. Dolore swine sirloin do fatback est, salami pancetta esse dolore leberkas ham. Enim pork chop sirloin, aliqua ad nisi spare ribs veniam id.

MUSE B — Sirloin filet mignon voluptate aliquip magna. Tail shank do culpa tenderloin, consequat in ad jowl shoulder swine. Beef ribs kielbasa jowl, in short loin nulla pork loin. Anim porchetta do jowl, drumstick pastrami meatball alcatra fugiat ham hock ut duis dolore in. Non dolore cow nisi strip steak, bresaola pork chop sausage ipsum dolor.

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