❝she was a beautiful dreamer.
the kind of girl who
kept her head in the clouds,
loved above the S T A R S
and left regret beneath the EARTH
she walked on.❞
“ L O O K … you’re CLEARLY having a shitty night , so i’m gonna leave before you say something you’re gonna regret — because i’m serious , you’re going to need a friend when you decide to crawl out of whatever H O L E you’re digging yourself . ”
he gave her one final glance , a shake of his head following as he turned around to leave . he didn’t know WHAT THE FUCK happened or WHY it happened , he just knew that he wasn’t interested in beating around the bush anymore . if she didn’t want to talk about it , then he wasn’t going to push it .
she crumbled onto the ground, her hands traveling up to her ginger locks as she gripped at the loose buns that adorned the top of her head. she couldn’t take it anymore, the glances she’d caught in passing, the burning mourning she’d concealed from the world, the heart aching feelings she’d struggled to conceal each time he smiled her way, the guilt that weighed on her shoulders ever since she realized she had singlehandedly ruined any chance she had with him. she couldn’t deal with any of it ANYMORE.
what made it burn most was that he didn’t c a r e. not anymore, not like he did before. he was her FRIEND. nothing more. and she couldn’t make him, she didn’t deserve the attention. so instead of running towards him and telling him everything, how she felt, how she wanted nothing more than to run into his embrace, how she was barely holding her life together, how she was terrified every waking moment of every waking day, how she missed her father, how she didn’t know how she was going to get through the rest of the year…
she just gave up and let him walk away, accepting that things were NEVER going to be the same.
“ how ‘bout i come back in TWENTY FIVE? ” he said , his words laced with snark and hostility as he dropped the only half burned cigarette on the forest floor . james had spent years on the shitty end of her anger and he refused to be subject to that AGAIN , especially since he hadn’t done anything to deserve it .
stomping out the still burning stick , he began to walk away , only stopping briefly when he let his annoyance get the better of him . “ y’know , i’m gettin’ real TIRED of the re-runs . maybe it’s time i just CHANGE THE CHANNEL . ”
❝yeah well, maybe you should.❞
she got up abruptly, her hands clenched into fists as she let her anger get the best of her. she wasn’t mad at him, she was mad at herself but he was THERE and it was so much easier to unload the guilt and sadness on him rather than wallow in self pity and desire.
❝it shouldn’t be hard, you already made it clear you don’t give a flying rats ass what i do. besides it’s been a LONG time since things changed.❞
she watched him, eyes blazing as the jealousy she’d tried to keep buried (quite poorly) simmered up to the surface.
he furrowed his brow , watching her carefully as if trying to understand why she was acting the way she was . her words were DRENCHED with ANIMOSITY and her gaze practically shot daggers in his direction . he didn’t understand it and he sure as shit didn’t appreciate it , though he remained calm . perhaps she had her reasons .
“ did i say it bothered me ? nah . lily evans can do WHATEVER & WHOEVER she pleases . ” he tapped the ash away , his gaze never wavering . “ what’s going on with you , HUH ? what i do to PISS YOU OFF ? ”
❝hm. guess you’re right, you don’t give a SHIT.❞
her eyes burned as soon as she said it, forcing her to look away.
❝you did absolutely nothing James Potter. i’m allowed to have one shit night, sorry i can’t slap on my habitual fake smile for you right now, come back in twenty and i’m sure the lily evans show will resume its regularly scheduled showing.❞
“ and here i thought i knew EVERYTHING about you , ” he said to himself , eventually muttering an obscure spell to bring forth a spark to flicker from his wand . he never saw the importance of lighters when he had MAGIC .
“ m’i not allowed to come say HI ? you were fairly popular , figured this was the ONLY WAY i could get a word with you . ”
❝i’d wager you’d be surprised at just how much i’ve hidden from you. and how good i am at it too.❞
she bit out, tapping the excess ash off the tip of her cigarette before she glanced back at him.
❝HI. is there something that you want to say to me then? my p o p u l a r i t y seems to be bothersome to you, i can’t say i understand why.❞
he would be lying if he said he wasn’t CONCERNED
— she was having quite the night , james having spotted her with his semi-sober eyes multiple times . he would also be lying if he said he wasn’t ANNOYED . from the very beginning he had tried keeping himself somewhat sane given his new position and yet he had the pleasure of seeing the head girl (among other things) go WILD.
it was after he spotted her on the dance floor with sirius that he took his first drink . narcissa eventually convinced him to have his second , and then his third . suffice it to say , he was no longer strictly-speaking sober .
“ since when do you smoke ? ” he asked bluntly , swiftly snatching the cartoon from underneath her strap . his eyes wavered over the pack , eventually taking a cigarette for himself . “ nice brand , ” he said with a toss , her pack landing back on her lap .
❝a couple years. more so lately though.❞
she replied lazily, taking a slow drag from the cigarette.
she’d been having fun for the first couple of hours at the party, the alcohol that buzzed through her making it an optimal moment to just UNWIND. however, her brief encounter with narcissa black had sent her mood into a downward spiral.
“ yeah … i guess i DO . it’s nice , right ? not fighting all the time ? “
“ told ya i wasn’t so bad . ”
“ um , ” he paused , his smile still present despite the confused spark in his eyes . he wasn’t sure what she had meant , her words replaying in his head . “ … glad to know it wasn’t a C O M P L E T E disaster . ”
❝yeah yeah, you’re not so BAD afterall.❞
she cleared her throat, forcing a brighter smile onto her lips. ❝at least we’re better off now, yeah? speaking of now, uh… i think later we should review the rounds schedule, just to give it a final once over.❞
“ wonder what CHANGED . hmm . mum says i only get YOUNGER with age , so it COULDN’T have been my maturity . ”
“ S T R A N G E , because you’re right . you have been spending a lot of time around me … and yet , not ONE SNEEZE . maybe i’m growing immune . ”
❝maybe after all those years of trying you finally succeeded in making me just as bloody mad as you are. at the least you got me to like you, be your friend that is.
❝immune?o u c h! more like you’re realizing having me around is actually pretty AMAZING.❞
“ callin’ me MAD , evans ? guess i couldn’t hide it for long
— the BATSHIT POTTER gene was gonna come out eventually . figures you’d catch it first . ”
( P A U S E )
“ as for lilies , i wouldn’t know . they make me SNEEZE . ”
❝perhaps a different kind of crazy. although there was a time when you drove me insane, oh the good old days. you’ve lost your touch potter.❞
❝OF COURSE i am, there’s no use denying the obvious. spending as much time around you as i do, it’s a wonder i didn’t see it sooner. ❞
❝oh do they? that’s a shame i guess i’ll have to stay far away from you. i’d h a t e to make you feel poorly.❞
“ i’d say ‘NAH’ , but those WILES of yours …. those damn evans’ genes . ”
“ we ran into a woman who was DEAD SET on telling us about our past lives . get this — i was once a majestic eagle , struck down by a LIGHTNING BOLT . she was a little odd … kept tellin’ me to stay away from beautiful gardens if i wanted to survive . ”
❝i have faith in you, someday it’ll be your wiles driving me crazy.❞
❝she sounds positively mad but i have to say, the most interesting people usually are. you should know a thing or two about that. huh, sounds like a fair bit of wisdom you should keep in mind, i’d hate to see you fall at the mercy of these “beautiful gardens”. i’m sure there were no LILIES in that garden though, i’ve been told we’re rather pleasant. ❞
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