❝she was a beautiful dreamer.
the kind of girl who
kept her head in the clouds,
loved above the S T A R S
and left regret beneath the EARTH
she walked on.❞
“ huh. ” he paused, his brow furrowing in mock thought as he scrunched up a recently folded shirt in his grasp. “ maybe benjy was right. maybe i AM the worst. ” he looked at nothing in particular. it was almost as if he were having an existential crisis right in the middle of the bedroom. “ why else would you be interested in me? i mean you CLEARLY have the SHITTIEST taste in men. ” his eyes crinkled with amusement as he jokingly tossed the recently balled up shirt at her.
his head fell back as he let out a laugh, his feet dragging him backward as he returned back to his pile. picking up a pair of trousers, he hesitated. he had told her about the meeting? OF COURSE HE HAD. james had been incredibly sick and delusional at that moment. he couldn’t remember half of the things that happened. maybe it was better this way? just be HONEST.
there was a long moment of silence as he thought of how to explain it. eventually, after slowly folding more clothes, he started. “ remember when i couldn’t sleep? because i was so busy? ”
“ well … i was so busy because, on top of quidditch and head boy duties … i was also putting together a group. ” a sigh escaped his lips as he turned around and leaned against the dresser. “ it was a bunch of kids and we just … we’ve been discussing what to do. how to fight it. how to fix it. ” he paused. “ i’m sorry i didn’t tell you. ”
he looked defeated when their conversation embarked a new course, almost as if he was not thrilled about speaking of what he had been up to and his hesitance plunged a thousand knives into the girls heart, her lip practically going raw from how forcefully she chewed on the supple flesh. because i was so busy? of course she remembered. she’d lay in bed asleep half the night, tossing and turning due to his absence. other nights she’d stir, unable to slip into a deep slumber only to find him tense beneath her embrace and staring off into nothingness with a hardened expression.
until that moment she’d had a creeping feeling that those were indicators of his growing disdain for her, the tell tale signs of a man losing interest in a woman. how could she be surprised, after all she’d long since thought she was beneath him, like she wasn’t worth the time of day. somehow learning of his plans was almost worse in a way. like he couldn’t confide these thoughts of a rebellion with her because she was not good enough to participate. like she was weak. like he didn’t trust her to fight for what was right.
it was unsettling and she couldn’t bring herself to speak, the words caught in her throat though her mouth opened and closed several times. ❝why didn’t you? TELL ME, i mean. did you not… want me there?❞
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