❝she was a beautiful dreamer.
the kind of girl who
kept her head in the clouds,
loved above the S T A R S
and left regret beneath the EARTH
she walked on.❞
“Want me to hurt her? My bat can accidentally drop on her face–” she offered, a sympathetic smile tugged at her lips, “I’m sorry – I’m sorry that it sucks. It makes sense, and it all makes me a bit more worried. I don’t know if it’s school or just life in general, but my dear red – you need a break. You’re tiring yourself out and I don’t want you to combust–”
“You know I’m here – if it’s just to grab some air or my distraction techniques or if it’s to even bloody sit there and listen to you, I’m here–”
❝as satisfying as that mental image is, i think it’s best if we don’t escalate to physical attacks.❞ lily laughed softly, shaking her head. ❝i can handle it, i know i can. i just need to get used to it. this year started at full speed and i’m still in that adjustment period but i promise if i need anything i’ll come your way. there’s just a ton of little things i have to get through on my own first. i do appreciate your support though, even when it seems like i’m slowly going insane.❞
“ no , i do . i … again , i’m sorry — & i wish i had the right words , but i’m just some STUPID KID , lily . i need you to remember that ; i’m TRYING to understand , though . i REALLY am . ”
given his seated position ( sitting with his legs crossed ) , he leaned forward and rested his elbows on the edges of his knees . he tried his best to RELAX the situation in a sense , relieving the tension in hopes of creating a more comfortable environment for the both of them .
“ you’re one of the strongest people i’ve ever met , but that doesn’t mean you have to do this alone . and … ” he stopped speaking , his gaze falling once more as he suddenly found himself scared to broach the subject . “ there will never NOT be a you and i — no matter what the relationship , i will always be there for you . ”
❝i know you can handle a lot. and i really appreciate you wanting to understand or try and make sense of everything, i can imagine it’s a lot to take in all at once.❞
❝i got to say goodbye. to him. it should make things easier, that’s what people say but it really doesn’t. i feel his absence every day. i didn’t tell anyone because i didn’t want to say it aloud. telling you was harder because i’m most genuine when i speak with you believe it or not. i’ve never considered myself a coward but when it came to facing that, i guess i was one.❞
a soft smile settled onto her lips as she watched him, her nerves suddenly fading with his words. he had a knack for making her feel at peace with a simple sentence.
❝i’ll always be here for you too. you’re important to me, no matter what the circumstances are, that wont ever change.❞
(…)
❝i don’t want to beat around the bush anymore. you know, you heard im assuming. you’re still my friend above all else so do you have any questions i guess? anything to make us both less terrified of actually talking about what’s going on. my dad, my feelings… i’m coming clean james potter, so fire away. you’ve got unlimited access to my brain for a few moments i hope you use it wisely.❞
“ yeah , ” he mumbled , his gaze falling as his tongue ran across his lips , his teeth eventually sinking in against them as a habitual response to an uncomfortable situation .
“ i wanna be someone you can talk to . no matter the PROBLEM , no matter the SITUATION — i wanna … i want to be there for you . ” he stopped for a short moment , his head shaking as his eyes lifted back to her , his gaze becoming steady and unwavering . “ i don’t wanna fight with you at parties or avoid you in the halls , lily . ”
❝i just didn’t know what to say.❞
she looked back at him, chewing on her lower lip as she scrambled for a way to explain why she’d kept him in the dark.
❝i trust you more than i trust anyone. but i think you know what i mean when i say this wasn’t the easiest subject to bring up.❞
the girl nodded, tucking a loose piece of her hair behind her ear.
❝i don’t want to fight with you either. by now it’s obvious i enjoy your company.❞
he was sorry for a great many things . for not realizing how she felt , for not being there when her father died , for not SEEING that she was STRUGGLING . he should’ve been a better person , a better friend . then there was the question of how he was supposed to have the slightest idea . perhaps james potter should’ve opened his eyes .
“ i didn’t know . ”
lily faced the window again, her heart sinking slightly as she pieced two and two together. he didn’t have to go into details for her to know perfectly well what he was talking about. two beats passed before she sighed softly, fiddling with her fingers.
❝you weren’t supposed to know.❞
her words were gentle, she feared he would take them the wrong way but they were sincere.
he offered her a smile in lieu of a hello , his features an odd mixture of WEARY & BENEVOLENT as he took a seat next to her . the rain tapped on the window to an almost rhythmic degree , as if it were singing along to the song which streamed from her record player . he wasn’t sure what to say . hell , he wasn’t sure how to feel . the things lily had told marlene were said in secret and he KNEW DAMN WELL that he wasn’t supposed to have heard it .
but he did … and he hasn’t been able to think of much else since .
he watched her silently for a moment , his eyes glued to the girl before him : LILY EVANS . “ i’m sorry , ” he finally said , now speaking alongside the music .
she studied his expression, confusion seeping into her features as he lowered himself down next to her. he didn’t look away and she found it quite hard to pull her eyes away from his, then again that wasn’t rare. she often found herself lost in his bright orbs.
❝what do you mean?❞
she whispered, her brows furrowed with hesitation. suddenly there was an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach, like she knew what he was sorry about but it was best not to jump to conclusions when it involved him.
in the dead of the night lily found herself perched upon the edge of the windowsill in the middle of the head student’s study, her legs tucked beneath her as she watched the soft rain hit the glass, her record player set a few feet away from her, ‘i need my girl’ setting the mood. though she felt much lighter after her talk with marlene, it didn’t change the fact that she was still feeling a little down. she was so transfixed she didn’t notice the male walking towards her until he was right beside her. ❝OH. hi james.❞
she let go of lily, the girl surveying her friend’s face. she wiped at a single tear, an empathetic smile pulling forth. “you know,” she said gently, as she repositioned on the bed. marlene scooted up beside her, intertwining her arm in lily’s, fingers meeting as she leaned her head on lily’s shoulder. “people leave us— sometimes unwillingly.”
her thumb traced circles against lily’s, “but they leave parts of themselves with you. love doesn’t cease when they’re no longer beside you,” marlene paused, staring at the bed beneath them. “and sometimes you’ll see the best parts of them in you.” a weak smile formed on the brunette’s lips, “your dad put the best parts of himself in you, love. he’s still here with you– even if it doesn’t much feel like it.”
❝thank you. it means a lot mar. i’m just really glad you’re here.❞
lily settled into the embrace, finally feeling a sense of relief after weeks.
“lily— i’m so sorry.” marlene couldn’t figure out what words to string together or where to start. her mind reeled as stretched from father to james, the loss of both men devastating her. she didn’t know how to comfort her friend, no magic words or spell would cure what shadowed over the bright entity right now. “i’m so so sorry,” she breathed again. her gut clenching as she looked to lily. marlene did what her mother would do, pulling the girl tight into her arms as a hand found its way behind lily’s head. “you’re not alone, okay? you’re NOT.”
lily bit back tears, leaning into marlene’s embrace willingly. though she felt a sense of relief after finally getting the words off her chest, there was still a thought that resonated in her head that she couldn’t manage to shake. ❝it just feels like everyone i LOVE eventually leaves. severus, my dad…. james. how long will it be before i’m completely alone?❞
“if i’m honest, those eyes of yours have looked bloody erratic these days. but um— for what it’s worth, i have two ears and nowhere to be.”
❝gee thanks that’s a real comfort.❞ (…)
❝so. i lied when i said nothing happened over the summer. a lot happened actually. it really all boils down to the fact that my dad died at the beginning of the break and i don’t really think i handled it well. or handled it at all. so that in itself has made me feel rubbish but on top of that i think i have strong feelings for the person i now consider my BEST friend. which obviously isn’t as important as the pain that i feel over my dad being gone but it all just happened at the same time and he you know, helped me work through those things but he’s not here to do that now and i don’t think i can figure it out on my own so i just need to tell someone because i-i-i-i can’t take it anymore, i can’t stand the gaping hole in my chest. ❞
❝i think i’m in love with james. i mean i know i am or else i wouldn’t feel THIS. i’ve known for a while. it’s been harder and harder to actually deny for the past few months. after all it’s me, i figure out i have legitimate feelings for someone and what to i do? go out of my way to squander them instead of rejoice in the fact that someone makes me happy.❞
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