❝she was a beautiful dreamer.
the kind of girl who
kept her head in the clouds,
loved above the S T A R S
and left regret beneath the EARTH
she walked on.❞
“no – no, none of that–” she spluttered out quickly, halting their movements – they had found themselves right before the entrance and yet this had all her attention. “i don’t feel that way about him – i adore him, he’s my friend or well, i’m trying to be his friend and it’s difficult, but it’s not because something’s there, lils” she assured, she was never really eloquent at words, but sometimes being blunt was the way to go.
“i love you for offering that, but i’m okay. i’m happy with fenwick – i feel like myself with him and i don’t want anything but what i have with him– i’m just confused. i just thought you and james–” she trailed off.
❝oh okay, i was just worried because i know things didn’t exactly end on an amazing note but i’m glad you’re okay with this i really am.❞ lily let out a soft sigh of relief, crossing her arms as she turned to face her completely. ❝james made it perfectly clear that we’re not exclusive and that means he’s keeping his options open, so why shouldn’t i? i mean… i like edgar. he’s sweet with me and he’s nice… he cares about me. and it’s easy. it feels nice to have someone like you without the heartache attached to it, does that make sense? james and i, we’re still doing whatever it is we were doing and i’ve told edgar… i think it’s just healthy to keep my options open. ❞
“she hates being babied – we’re going to have to be subtle, the last thing i want is for her to chew my head off – didn’t really understand how much restraint came with walking away until that moment”
her gaze widened as she peered over at her, “eddie? wait – you and eddie? oh” she’d like to think that she was on top of things – rarely one to get blindsided and yet here she was feeling like someone had just given her a real shove.
❝yeah. i don’t really want to approach her because some of the things she said… let’s just say it’s best if i stay clear of her, but i don’t want to abandon her either so i’m going to try and keep an eye out for her.❞ lily chewed on her lower lip, glancing over at the brunette with genuine concern coloring her features. ❝if you’re not okay with it i promise i’ll tell him it’s a bad idea and that we shouldn’t, you have every right to tell me you’re not comfortable with it. ❞
“she basically all but ran from me–” she sighed, “give her space then?” the frown etched at her lips was proof that she wasn’t thrilled, but lily was right – they didn’t really have much of a choice. she didn’t want to drive her so far that they were unsalvageable.
“you’ve got yourself a deal–” a small smile at her lips as she gave her arm a squeeze.
❝exactly. she didn’t want to hear anything i had to say, even when i insisted i thought there was something wrong with her… i guess we should just step back but still keep a close eye on her. i don’t want her to do anything that might harm her…❞ she shrugged, still musing over the situation. it was difficult but the girl hadn’t come up with a solution yet. ❝there was actually something i wanted to talk to you about… so edgar kind of suggested he might want to take me out and i wanted to let you know first.❞
–- ❝ they are noticed and appreciated. ❞ edgar assures her, studying her features curiously. he just had to be sure she was alright, not that she was giving much away. he was just … a worrier. ❝ good. I had a few ideas … but are y’sure? you’re not seeing anyone? ❞
❝GOOD. it feels nice to be appreciated.❞ a soft blush crept onto her cheeks as her smile grew wider. she could tell that he was worried about her and the thought warmed her heart, knowing that he cared about her as much as she cared about him only made her more inclined to accept his invitation. ❝i’d love to do something tonight, honest. i don’t want you to hear it from someone else but i sort of am? we’re not exclusive though, does that bother you at all?❞
–- ❝ it hasn’t been a complete waste. ❞ edgar muses, mouth twitching upwards and for a moment his thoughts drifting elsewhere. he brushes her red hair from her shoulder ❝ which reminds me, i still owe you, you know. what are you doing later? ❞
❝that’s definitely a relief. i’m glad to know my efforts aren’t going unnoticed.❞ lily watched as the boy brushed her hair away, quickly noticing how close they truly were. she welcomed it though, deciding it was necessary and she didn’t mind the attention he was giving her. she had to try. ❝nothing terribly interesting, why? did you have something in mind to repay me?❞
“so – she was terrible to you too?” stopping for a second to face her, “i thought it was just me – i thought i had done something to piss her off, but if she verbally attacked you as well – that’s odd” her brows furrowing as she started their pace once more. “she didn’t mean it–” she muttered, giving her arm a squeeze, “whatever it was red, whatever she said – she didn’t mean it. she couldn’t have. mac would have never mean let alone said the things that she did to me. i don’t know why she’s pushing us away – but i don’t want to just leave her”
“do you want to talk about it?”
❝pretty much. she just… ripped me to shreds without an ounce of regret. it was like she didn’t care and she couldn’t stand seeing me. like she needed to get away from me as quickly as possible. ❞ she shook her head, brushing her hair out of her face as she shrugged. ❝i don’t want to leave her either it’s just… i don’t know how far we can push her before she eventually just cuts us out completely. ❞ lily shook her head quickly, playing with her fingers. ❝NO. not yet at least… i’m slowly sorting things out again just.. give me time okay?❞
“it’s not just that and i know that there’s no proper way to handle this and everyone steers through it the way that they need too – it’s just, she was aggressive” a frown at her lips as she looked at her, “lils – i didn’t recognize her, i haven’t ever seen her like that and i think something’s seriously wrong–”
“yeah? are you getting any sleep?”
❝aggressive is a fond way of putting it. i don’t know what the hell has gotten into her but she didn’t seem like she was in any mood to talk. in fact i think i’m the last person on the planet she’d like to see so i don’t see any way i can possibly help her. i don’t know what’s wrong but em, i honestly wouldn’t know how to fix it either. i already tried reasoning with her and it only landed me a hefty amount of insults and a heavy heart.❞ the redhead was still a little sore over their encounter, mary’s words replaying in her mind constantly. ❝i sleep enough… a few hours more than before at least. ❞
–- she was going to be sick, head swimming and throat burning, mary has to take a step back. lily’s words hitting her where it mattered. && yet her features and gaze remain unmoved by lily’s speech, as if uninterested. –why couldn’t she win? what made lily so special? words and reminders that overpowered anything else, even the part of her that begged for this to just end.
❝ …. wow. quite the lecture. —are you done? because if you’ve finished listening to yourself talk, I have somewhere else to be. ❞ she answers hollowly before shoving past the red head and quickening her pace to ESCAPE
hot tears sting her eyes as she steps back, her eyes searching her friends expression for some semblance of recognition, anything to indicate that she can see how hard her words have hurt her. she wants to shake her, to make her wake up and realize how awful she’s made her feel but all she can do is give into the anger and look away. ❝oh sod off mary.❞ she’s sick of being PERFECT lily. she’s sick of wanting to help despite the insults thrown her way. so when mary scurries off, the girl makes no attempt to run after her, instead she just shakes her head and walks back to the punching bag, her heart heavier with each step.
–- mary’s eyes narrow –make it convincing. ❝ oh. there’s nothing wrong with me. but of course, it must be impossible that anyone would ever be unimpressed with you. ❞ chest aching and hands trembling within the folds of her robes, mary makes another move to step around the other girl her friend. ❝ whatever. just go back to your game of pretend, and leave me out of it ❞
❝i don’t know who the hell you think you are but you have no right to speak to me or anyone like this. you went through something terrible well guess what mary we all did. we’re all trying to keep our shit together however we can whether its pretending to be okay or fighting off the fear we constantly live in so get off your damn high horse pretending that whatever i’m doing is beneath you. if it bothers you, don’t look at me, hell don’t speak to me again, but you don’t get to judge my character just because you damn well feel like it.❞ lily sidesteps in order to block her way once more, her eyes burning with rage. ❝NO, i’m not letting you go just like that. you want to be mad at me, give it all you’ve got sweets but there’s something wrong with you and i’ll be damned if i don’t help you get through it.❞
–- mary reaches to rub at the side of her neck, an itch burning the back of her throat. ❝ it’s just irritating, you’re like everyone else. being able to hit something doesn’t make you ‘ strong ’. ❞ she rolls her eyes, gaze moving to glare at the swaying bag. ❝ what? is Lily Evans just too PERFECT to feel vulnerable once in a while? –jesus. ❞ giving the bag a shove, she makes a move to leave.
❝EXCUSE ME?❞ lily scoffed, her eyes lighting up with rage as words tumbled past the girls lips with no sort of remorse. she’d expected this sort of talk from a lot of people but never mary. ❝so what if i chose to let out my anger by hitting something. i’m not afraid of vulnerability, i’m just sick of feeling helpless. and where the hell do you get off telling me what i can and cannot be?❞ as the girl moved to leave lily reached out to stop her, quickly moving to block her way. ❝no way, you don’t get to leave after being a straight up BITCH, what the hell is wrong with you?❞
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